PARAPROSDOKIANS

Winston Churchill reportedly loved paraprosdokians, which are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and frequently humorous.

Wikipedia definition: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.



1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Politics as Usual

Fast and Furious Update. The Justice Department (what an ineptly named organization by the way) is at it again. Eric Holder continues to deny involvement and knowledge of Fast and Furious, despite e-mails and documents to the contrary. The Justice Department and not so coincidentally a report from Democrats came out exonerating the Justice Department and blaming the Phoenix office of the ATF. Holder continues to hold out on some 80,000 e-mails that Congress is requesting.

There is still hope that justice will be found. The family of slain Border Patrol agent Brian Terry sued the Federal Government over Brian's death from one of thousands of guns that the Justice Department facilitated to be exported to the Mexican Cartels. Additionally, besides the Representative Issa (R-CA), Congress also has a young Congressman from South Carolina named Trey Gowdy, a former prosecutor now hot on the trail to get to the truth about one of the biggest blunders, and now cover ups, in Federal history.


Obama's Religious Hypocrisy. President Obama spoke at the 60th annual National Prayer Breakfast. Obama spoke about his Christian beliefs for both politics and his personal life (but to be sure, some people still think he is not a Christian). Obama turned this morning of religious unity into a stump speech trying to make the point that his design to raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans, ram down health mandates usurping individual freedoms and other anti-business economic decisions were, in fact, grounded in his faith.

“I think to myself, if I’m willing to give something up as somebody who’s been extraordinarily blessed, and give up some of the tax breaks that I enjoy, I actually think that’s going to make economic sense,” Obama told the audience. “But for me, as a Christian, it also coincides with Jesus’s teaching that ‘for unto whom much is given, much shall be required."

Well if you want to pay more fine - pay more. But don;t be using our money to fund your radical agenda and failed economic agenda. This is a matter of freedom and the very existence of our government. For Obama to use religion to try and justify his freedom killing beliefs is just pathetic.

Will you be able to retire?

Have you seen the Fidelity commercial where the investor under Fidelity guidance follows a green (get it green?..... like money) path? Well get ready the follow the red path, courtesy of the U.S. Government over the incredibly buffoonish way of handling our social security nest egg. Simply due to the dire straits this country is in financially, social security solvency will not be an issue in the very near future either.

Did you hear Obama speak of Social Security during the State of the Union? Of course, while add to his woes?

President Barack Obama, in his State of the Union speech, didn’t really touch on the subject near and dear to the hearts of millions of Americans — the State of Retirement in the U.S. No doubt he had other pressing matters to address. So allow us the pleasure of issuing — thanks in large part to a many experts on the topic — our State of Retirement column.

Things are bad and, in the absence of action or in the presence of the ill-advised action, could get much worse.

Matthew Greenwald, the president of Matthew Greenwald & Associates, a leading
retirement research firm, say's “I think the state of retirement in America is endangered as the ‘Great Recession’ has taken a toll on the financial status of many and as retirement savings were not adequate for many prior to the ‘Great Recession. There are several things that need to be fixed, including addressing Social Security and helping people feel confident in the viability of the system, more effective defined-contribution plans that do a better job of encouraging participants to defer more of their income and more effective advice to retirees that helps them use their financial assets most effectively when they retire.”

Read the entire article on Social Security here.